5 Hard Truths About Love in 2018 (2 years later)
Updated: Jun 8, 2022
What’s love got to do with it? Nothing! It has nothing to do with it! If you are looking for some instant love gratification in new relationships, you will find yourself falling into various cycles of disappointment.
Today, in the millennial world, relationship goals have transposed into some online market where algorithms are the new matchmakers. Tinder, OkCupid!, Match.Com, Grindr — to name a few — are rather congenial ways to gather personally shared information in an ever-growing web of lies.
Sometimes you have to scroll through a truckload of dick picks before you get to those real smiles, which can assist in detangling the fuck boys (and girls) from more long-term prospects; I mean, unless that’s what you’re into — no judgment.
The “Tinder”ness of Love
Don’t become a cat-fisher by trying to trap every date into a relationship. Obviously, the more unavailable you are, the more swipes you’ll accumulate. The fantasy is built into the SEO. (Google it)
The world should not become your sock drawer of love; rarely finding a real match and when you do, it’s usually more worn out than expected or the dryer ate it — damaged or non-existent.
That’s the fantasy, perfection. But it's almost guaranteed that if someone is constantly blasting out crotch shots and titty-tats, they have some deeper attachment issues.
But that is OK (cupid). If you can polish that silver, go for it; just be aware, love isn’t going to sparkle through the first swipe, it usually takes some elbow grease.
Honestly, Bob Marley said it best, “If (they’re) worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy.”
Sexual Lust
Don’t get it twisted! Really, Don’t. Great sex does not equal a great relationship and can be toxic.
So, you sheet wrestled after the first date. Then, three days later, you’re curled up eating your emotions — knuckle deep in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby, wondering why he never texted you back. ( Pending your current situation, you’d misinterpret it anyway.)
It isn’t because he thinks you’re easy, it’s because you are easy. Accept it and move on.
Your heart doesn’t reside in your underwear so stop wearing it there.
Don't take it personal; I am implying that many times people confuse sex with love, that is all.
Men and women alike can get bamboozled by the orgasm.
TheSexMD.com says, “For many people … this leaves an empty feeling – a feeling of being exposed without a deeper appreciation. These are the people who enter into sex hoping to get love out of it, rather than love coming of its own accord.”
Nevertheless, if you’re going to have sex, do it because it feels good, not because you think somewhere in between thrusts that you’re going to find love; it’s not a movie contract.
I know, I know #MeToo! #TooSoon?
That just isn’t real and you’re going to be happier accepting that sex is human and can be sporty but wear protection or you might be single for other reasons.
Need vs Want
In a world full of Kardashians, be a Jim Carrey. Be so in tune with who you are, that public opinion and response make you paint crazy truth pictures, not take more ass selfies.
When love mutates from a want to a need – usually a subconscious type of verification- , it usually means that you are lacking in your own worth.
Necessity is food, you are hungry for something that you aren’t giving yourself. And, we all know from yoga class, Stacy, that everything we need is already in us.
The best relationships are built when the love outweighs the need. So stop becoming dependent on what others are offering and be the person you like to date.
The Illusion Of Marriage
It has been beaten into our DNA by religious fanatics our whole life that even atheist follow suit. Marriage, that ole ball and chain. We think that in order to solidify our undying love for each other, we need to slap a ring on it and sign a treaty.
I’ll never understand the need for a contract to prove that “I love you”. Furthermore, if she keeps harassing you to sign your love over, you might want to scroll through those old text messages and photos and see if you missed something in the background.
The reality of it is, love sits close to that reality of life.
Mystic and visionary, Sadhguru, founder of the Isha Foundation, explains that you are actually life vs what objectively distracts you. He calls these distractions life’s accessories: family, job, wealth, basically your possessions.
You can lose loves identity of life by submitting to society’s ideas of what makes you happy.
Stop digressing love to some groundhogs day of grief, running from your shadow of self-doubt, date after date. You are good enough, you just have to know it.
The Business Arrangement
Just as you would separate your business account from your personal, this is how a lot of millennial relationships are being approached.It is OK to be an individual when enjoying love.
People don’t come with a money back guarantee and most of our lives aren’t suited for prenups. I’m sure if you guys decide to split up, the IKEA couch/futon thing isn’t going to be a major issue.
Furthermore, when you have set yourself up for success in life, there is no need to step away from the progress by handing it over to someone else because of “love”. That’s a scam!
Liz Higgins, millennial marriage and couples therapist out of Dallas, Texas, shared with the Huffington Post, “Many couples have found that it works best to have their own bank account with one merged couple account. What’s most important is that each unique couple find out what works best for them and their relationship goals.”
If you must get married, I would say paid sites like eHarmony, that create more in-depth profiling, might just work.
In some cultures that practice arranged marriages, which are basically the idea for these dating site algorithms– financial similarities, upbringing, spiritual beliefs, etc.– love is a second-hand emotion to common ground. Statistically speaking, these commonalities have proven to build more solid relationships.
Just Love Yourself!
I’m not saying that love is a fairy tale and can’t happen. However, if you are looking for love in every date or sexual encounter, your success in finding a solid mate is going to be slim pickin’s.
Enjoy life without the hassle of forcing people to love you. It is there and it will come, just not the way most expect. Also, you cannot pour from an empty cup, so fill up first.
Love isn’t a feeling it’s an action with foundations and sacrifices, a part of training for the life Olympics. And, it is something that you have to share with yourself before you ever have a true chance at sharing with another.
Self-love and appreciation carry much more sex appeal than any algorithm can create. Getting in where you fit in with yourself is going to prove to be the best pheromone builder on the market.
Xo
Tamara G.